The new year begins in a snow-storm of white vows. ~George William Curtis

Every year between Christmas and New Years I always reflect back on what the past year has brought to my life. This year was quite intense to say the least. I have lost, have won, been cheated, been rewarded, had its ups, had its downs, births, deaths, renewed friendships, broken friendships, new relationships, old relationships. A little bit of everything this past year. I also have found a renewed self. A part of me that was lost quite some time ago and just in the last few months has come back to it. I was not certain if my renewed self was only for me or was it affecting the people in my life. But just two days ago, I was sitting in the lunchroom at work and there was an issue of how much change I should receive back and I said oh whatever, I don’t really know I’ll just take whatever. Then Caitlyn looked at me and said wows, Tiff are you always this laid back? I said huh? She said if that were me I would freak out if I didn’t get it and you were just like whatever. And this to be shows me that I have allowed myself to let the little things go. There are no worth the hassle or the stress it creates. With this new found way I have it has shown me that I wasn’t an emotional person, I didn’t cry, I didn’t let things affect me, I always have a wall, but now that wall has since crumbled and I'm left here emotionally open and it scares the hell out of me. I think about all that has happened and I truly believe that everything that has happened up to this point needed to happen so at this moment I can say out loud I’m happy. As far as the next year goes I need to take care of myself on a physical level, I’ve had some issues with my back and it's because I'm not as active as I used to be so once I become more active then it should stop the back problems. I refuse to let what happened to my father happen to me. I now know what it is that I have been missing for most of my adult life; I know what works and don’t work for me. I know who I am and all these things make me who I am… I'm sorry for what I have lost but there’s probably a reason I have lost it. For one reason or another there’s a reason it's not with me now. I'm not happy about some of it, but then if it's meant to be it’ll come back to me. I won’t dwell on it anymore. This year I am focusing on me. I have formed a wall of people around me that are there to protect me but the wall that was there between me and them is gone. It's going to be a great year! I hope it is for you!!!

“A schedule so tight that it would only work if I didn't sleep on Monday nights.” – Alan Jay Lerner

As Monday morning arrives it's the start of another week, but luckily this is a short week for me because I’m heading for vacation at the end of the week. So this is a well needed break. I’m going to work my ass off for the rest of the week, so I can actually relax while on vacation. But chances are that I’m going to still work over the break because I just don’t know how to just let it all go. I am looking forward to this trip though because where I’m is always a peaceful place, a place where it calms the craziness in my head. I will also be celebrating my birthday during this trip; I will be turning 24, where the hell did that time go? I feel like since I turned 18 these last 6 years just flew by. I have certainly grown up and changed. This past month I have begun to realize a lot about the people that are in my life. Some are old friendships beginning anew. Some are old friendships taking a different path so that takes some adjusting. But then there’s the friendships that are just strengthening but the day, every day it gets stronger and stronger. It's quite phenomenal to be a part of. So all these changes are happening and it's quite good. There are some messed up things in my life but hey, let’s face it, if I didn’t have these messed up things, it wouldn’t allow the amazing things to mean so much to me. I don’t have to name your names because you know who you are… `until next time

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. ~Steven Wright

I find myself daydreaming a lot lately and as I think about my life today and where I am, I can't complain about much. I have a lot of craziness in my life, but it's a good thing because there is always craziness inside my head and now it's just out there for everyone to see. Since I have moved there have been plenty of trials and tribulations, and on a day like today I realize why I went through those things. I met a “friend” here that I could not quite understand. I have never met a person like her before and I found myself questioning everything that I knew was right because she didn’t agree with me and most importantly with her I forget to smile. I was always trying to figure out why I was failing and forgot to smile and in the process of that I forgot about me. Now that she is not in my life anymore, I have a new respect for myself and the people in my life. I now cherish the arguments I have with my sister, the smart ass remarks we give each other and the stupidness we share when we are together. I have friends in my life that I don’t have to try for, it just is. That in itself takes away soo much frustration and stress from me. I am back to my old self of laughing at every ridiculous thing I think of or do. The ones closest to me have the ability to bring out this kind, generous, person inside that’s hard to show. Every single day is pretty crazy, I am doing freelance work for the design and going to school and working. So I've decided that sleep has to go. I'm in the middle of a couple huge projects, and thats when I decide oh add a blog to your list just to make it a lil bit fuller. But thats fine it helps me to get my feelings out. At work today we were having a meeting so when I walked into the room, I said hello to everyone and one guy told me you're always smiling, I've never met someone who always smiles. That was definetly one of the moments of the day (especially since a year ago, I had forgotten to do that) that just warms my heart. I hope that I have at least one of those every day. Well back to the drawing board, she wants to see what I have done by the morning. Looks like its gonna be a long long night...

As I start this blog today, I don’t know how comfortable I am with this, if I can do it correctly, it's going to show my vulnerable side which very rarely comes out. I think for this to help me and work for me I am going to have to fight the temptation to hold back. I am afraid of who will read this and judge me for what I have written rather than for who I am. But the important thing that I have to keep reminding myself is I am not doing this for anyone but myself. If I have learned anything in my life it's that now today I am putting myself first, I am no longer letting others define what I do and how I act. So I am going to use this to document my journey, to help me succeed, to allow me to say what I need to say and not have anyone stop me. It's an avenue of freedom that nobody can stop. I will probably say things on here that will shock you, because in order for this to work I can't hold back. I am a little person, I have a type of dwarfism called achondroplasia. I don’t allow it to hold me back but it does help define who I am today. I use it to my advantage; like I know when I walk into a room people will look at me. I can either hide or embrace it. If you ask me about the medical side of my dwarfism I probably will NOT know the answer, I figure when I need to know I’ll find out. I am part of an organization called Little People of America (LPA). Being a dwarf and a part of LPA has brought some of the greatest people into my life. I have been blessed with this incredible ability to trip/fall over nothing. Most of the time it's pretty much a daily occurrence, I don’t normally hurt myself. Well to the average person it could hurt them, but I have formed “shell” if you will, that allows me to fall and not get hurt badly. I usually do a lot of stupid things, I speak before I think, I wear my emotions on my sleeve, I don’t let you in unless I am certain you won’t hurt me, I’ve never really had a relationship with my father, I wish I lived closer to the ones who mean so much to me, I am doing what I love on a daily basis, my mind travels @ the speed of light, I love with my whole heart, I have a very unhealthy obsession with quotes (every person I meet gets a song and a quote named after them), I tend to jump in head first, I’m not intimidated by much, and I will leave a mark on this world.